


Professor Shakespeare’s Creative Writing Class

by tweedle_lee



Category: Edgar Allan Poe's Murder Mystery Dinner Party (Web Series), Literary RPF, Shipwrecked Comedy
Genre: (not a surprise to anyone), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Flirting, Bad Writing, Chat Fic (partially), Drunken Shenanigans, F/F, F/M, Gay, HG Wells is a Mess, I'm Sorry, M/M, Multi, My First Work in This Fandom, Oblivious H.G., Polyamory, Queer Authors, Queer Themes, Sassy Lenore, Trans George Eliot, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2020-02-28 14:57:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18758743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tweedle_lee/pseuds/tweedle_lee
Summary: A Creative Writing class get up to shenanigans, including flirting, texting, and the dreaded GROUP PROJECTS. (Inspired by Slamiltons)Featuring:-Oblivious McGee-Lesbian^tm-MAN-95% Whiskey-Sassy & Sexy-Blackbird-Innocent Bean-Gay^tm-95% Vodka-Vegan-Rich Bich-Electric Avenue-Murder Miss-tery-Shakes-queer





	1. Introductions

_Bananna  added Gayyy , vodka-and-vegan , and others_

_[13:02] Bananna : hi! you are all in mr shakespeare’s writing class, correct?_

_[13:02] ghostgirl_ _: u know it anna banana!!!_

_[13:02] vodka-and-vegan: yes! -Fyo_

_[13:03] HGWells: Indeed._

_[13:03] Bananna: wonderful! should we all introduce ourselves?_

_[13:03] yawgnimeh: I’d love to ma’am, but my phones gonna dieeee_

_[13:03] ghostgirl: rip_

_[13:04] brontësaurus: sucks to suck_

_[13:04] Gayyy: I find sucking quite enjoyable actually_

_[13:04] brontësaurus: ew._

_[13:04] Bananna: ???_

_[13:06] HGWells: this is @yawgnimeh, my phone died and hg threw me his_

_[13:06] vodka-and-vegan: you two know each other? -Lou_

_[13:06] HGWells: we’re dormmates, just met today_

_[13:06] emmyd: Hey guys, I’m Emily! I’m excited to meet you all!_

_[13:07] king_george: are any of you Oscar Wilde, they’re supposed to be my dorm buddy?_

_[13:07] Gayyy: That would be me!!_

_[13:08] HGWells: update on the dead phone issue, i can’t find my charger and h appears to being trying to build one?_

_[13:08] emmyd: Hello? Guys?_

_[13:08] shelley: That idiot is going to electrocute himself... I’m on my way._

_[13:08] HGWells: gr8_

_[13:09] ghostgirl: you’re not going to question how she knows where your dorm room is?_

_[13:09] shelley: H.G. and I know each other already, he sent me his dorm number._

_[13:09] Gayyy: ;)))))_

_[13:11] HGWells: hold off on winking, hg dresses like a steampunk trainwreck_

_[13:11] Gayyy: oh :(_

_[13:12] Bananna: ??explain??_

_[13:12] ghostgirl: he’s a virgin^tm_

_[13:12] Bananna: oh my_

_[13:30] shelley: You’re all insufferable._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bananna - Annabel  
> ghostgirl - Lenore  
> yawgnimeh - Ernest  
> Gayyy - Oscar  
> king-george - George  
> vodka-and-vegan - Fyodor & Louisa  
> HGWells - H.G.  
> brontësaurus - Charlotte  
> emmyd - Emily  
> shelley - Mary  
> (Poe and Agatha will join the chat later!)


	2. Disaster

If Mary had to describe H.G.'s dorm in one word, it would undoubtedly be "disaster".

 

Despite only living in the dorm room for a couple days, Ernest’s side of the room was a mess. Piles of papers and bags of snacks littered the floor. A box labeled “fishing” was overflowing with tackle boxes and a bright red rod stuck out from the top. His bed was never made and his drawer was full of gym shorts and ratty t-shirts, which certainly wouldn’t do.

 

She couldn’t help but laugh at the tape line down the centre of the room, since the line just seemed to separate one mess from another. H.G.’s side was coated in metallic parts, a hanger covered in ties dangled from the ceiling, and notebook upon notebook of poems, drawings, and short stories sat at the end of the bed.

 

When she told the others about the clutter, Annabel suggested the “konmari method”, which only prompted a binge-watch of Marie Kondo’s Netflix show, thanks to Ernest’s Netflix binging habit.

Edgar said to throw out any writing that they didn’t like, but Ernest insisted all his work was perfect, while H.G. thought his was all “positively dreadful”.

Lenore suggested a storage unit, which sounded good in theory, but Agatha quickly shot it down, as it would only move the mess from one space to another.

Louisa said she thought minimalism might help the two men, but H.G.’s passion for inventing meant he needed some of the clutter, and Ernest downright refused, claiming minimalism was for “homeless people and vegans”.

 

To summarize, Mary had tried and tried for a week, and tomorrow, classes would start, which meant a halt to her process. She knocked on H and Ernest’s door, and it swung open, an excited looking Ernest in her way. His eyes were bright and his cheek was smeared with what looked to be motor oil.

 

”Mary, hey! Wait till you see what your little lamb is up to, it’s brilliant!” She rolled her eyes. Ernest had taken to calling H.G. Mary’s “little lamb”, which she supposed was funny to him, somehow. He moved to let her in, and Mary facepalmed instantly. In the middle of the floor, H.G. sat in his undershirt and boxers, his goggles lopsided on his face. He was moving the arm of a small machine back and forth, nose scrunching up every time it squeaked. H.G. looked up and smiled excitedly at her.

 

”Mary! Oh, I’m glad you’re here, I’ve been thinking about your suggestion to tidy the room, and I think I have a solution! I’m building a robot with artificial intelligence that will act as a sort of maid. The arm is a little rusty... that pun was unintentional, but it will work eventually!”

 

It took all of Mary’s might not to yell at her mess of a friend (boyfriend? The two of them hadn’t discussed the details) and his stupid plan.

 

”Georgie, I hate to strike down lightning on your parade, but that seems like a lot of work when you could clean it yourself.” Ernest looks up from his position on his bed.

 

”The ‘G’ stands for George? Holy shit, you were born to be an old-timer.” He gasps. “Like John Mulaney on ‘Difficult People’! Except not a nazi!” H.G. gives a confused but enamoured look to Ernest before returning to his work. Mary regrets becoming friends with Ernest, though she supposed it’s too late to change that.


	3. The Question

_[10:00] yawgnimeh: so, uh, we actually gonna talk to each other in this class or are you all socially anxious nerds???_

_[10:00] shelley: H.G. just made an offended squawk under his breath, I hope you're happy_

_[10:01] yawgnimeh: i am_

_[10:01] ghostgirl: sksksksksksksk_

_[10:01] Gayyyy: kkskskskskksksks_

_[10:03] Bananna: Pardon me if this is rude, but are Mary and H.G. dating?_

_[10:03] HGWells: no_

_[10:03] shelley: yes_

_[10:04] yawgnimeh: oh shit_

_[10:04] HGWells: Oh dear..._

_[10:04] ghostgirl: teaaaaa_

 

* * *

 

_direct message: HGWells to shelley_

 

_[10:05] HGWells: You thought we were dating?_

_[10:06] shelley: You thought we weren't?_

_[10:06] HGWells: I mean, I've never dated a girl before,,,_

_[10:06] shelley: Look over at me. Look at my face. I am rolling my eyes at you._

_[10:07] HGWells: Social cues are hard, OK!?_

_[10:07] shelley: Tell me about it, darling._

_[10:08] HGWells: Okay, looking back on it, you calling me dear and darling all the time could come across as flirting._

_[10:09] shelley: My eyes...rolling into the back of my skull..._

_[10:11] shelley: So...what now?_

_[10:11] HGWells: I...I don't know? What do you want?_

_[10:12] shelley: Better question: What do **you** want?_

_[10:12] HGWells: It's never mattered what I want._

_[10:13] shelley: It matters to me._

_[10:13] shelley: Ew, no, that's cheesy, forget I said that._

_[10:14] shelley: You're only a few seats away, I can hear you laughing at me._

_[10:15] HGWells: What? Noooooo._

_[10:16] shelley: That's it. We're breaking up before we've even started dating. This is your fault._

_[10:17] HGWells: To use your words, "Look over at me. Look at my face. I am rolling my eyes at you."_

_[10:19] shelley: Rude._

_[13:05] HGWells: To answer your question, I want to be with you as much as you want to be with me (I'm making the assumption that you want to be with me quite a lot)._


	4. Pride Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know I missed pride month shush

_[21:50] Gayyyy: happy pride month gays!_

_HGWells_ _changed their name to PolyWells_

_[21:50] yawgnimeh: *cough*_

_[21:51] Gayyyy: OH!! And Annabel, we stan an ally_

_[21:51] yawgnimeh: *COUGH*_

_[21:51] Bananna: :)_

_[21:52] shelley: Ernest, are you expecting us to believe you’re straight?_

_[21:53] yawgnimeh: I AM_

_yawgnimeh changed their name to not-straight_

_[21:54] not-straight: HG!!!_

_[21:54] PolyWells: hmm? ;)_

_[21:54] ghostgirl: HG actually having top energy for one second of his life_

_[21:55] PolyWells: ouch?_

_[21:55] shelley: accurate_

_[21:56] PolyWells: :(_

_[21:57] not-straight: fuck you._


	5. Not A Crush

Ernest Miller Hemingway has no clue why everyone thinks he’s bi. I mean, he is, but he couldn’t see why the others thought that. Straight polyamorous people exist (Annabel is straight and says she feels drawn towards the label now that H.G. has explained it to her). He thinks he’s done a pretty good job of hiding his crush on H-

 

No. No, he wouldn’t even call it a crush. He doesn’t  _love_ Wells, he’s in awe of him, which is quite different. He’s in awe of H.G.’s ability to build, to create, to imagine. He can construct plots and machines quicker than any assembly line and it fills Ernest with  _awe_ , not  _love_.

 

Oscar would say they’re one in the same. Fuck Oscar. Romance and respect are not the same!

* * *

H.G. changes Ernest’s username and his first thought is ‘H.G. knows’. It’s a terrifying thought; Wells could know and feel nothing in return, and thus not mention that he knows in hopes Ernest will stop falling for him. Not that he is.

 

In fact, H.G. probably thinks Ernest likes him to boost his low self esteem or something. Jokes on him, the only emotion Ernest has felt since freshman year was exhaustion, and if romance and respect are merely ‘different’, romance and exhaustion are alien to each other.

 

But H.G. doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t say “Ernest, I have feelings for you”, nor does he say “Ernest, I would never date you, btw”. He doesn’t actively flirt with Ernest, but he allows Ernest to flirt with him. He has a girlfriend, but he’s also explicitly polyamorous. Hemingway always thought  _women_ were complicated, but Wells is a complete mystery. He doesn’t even tell people his name, that’s how hidden he is!

* * *

  _direct message: not-straight to ghostgirl_

 

_[9:35] not-straight: do you think hg likes me?_

_[9:40] ghostgirl: I mean,,,he doesn’t hate you?_

_[9:41] not-straight: like, do you think he has a thing for me?_

_[9:42] ghostgirl: uh yeah, where have you been sis?_

_[9:43] ghostgirl: listen, if you’re going for him, let a girl know, cause I don’t think he could handle 3 partners without melting._

_[9:44] not-straight: youre into him?_

_[9:45] ghostgirl: he radiates bottom energy, I’m interested_

_[9:45] not-straight: ah_

_[9:47] not-straight: i dont like him btw_

_[9:47] ghostgirl: mhm,,,_


	6. Group Project

_[16:00] bananna: Who’s partners with who?_

_[16:01] Gayyyy: i caught fyo and lou canoodling yesterday so i’m assuming they’re partners_

_[16:02] bananna: I meant for the project_

_[16:02] vodka-and-vegan: ...we are working on project together -Fyo_

_[16:03] ihatemyroomie: canoodling??_

_[16:03] dark.raven.666: Want to be partners Annabel?_

_[16:04] dark.raven.666: Project partners, that is...obviously._

_[16:05] bananna: I’d love to Edgar!_

_[16:05] shelley: Emily and I are working together_

_[16:06] king-george: who?_

_[16:06] Gayyyy: ??? is there an emily in our class_

_[16:07] Gayyyy: oh and george and i are paired up 4 this_

_[16:08] emmyd: ...thanks mary_

_[16:08] PolyWells: who doesn’t have a partner for this?_

_[16:08] ghostgirl: me_

_[16:08] ihatemyroomie: me_

_[16:09] fuckpreps: shakespeare already said i could do the project alone :)))_

_[16:09] brontësaurus: I’ll team up with you, Lenore!_

_[16:11] ghostgirl: oh...thanks_

* * *

 

How could Mary do this? Leave H.G. with Ernest for a pair assignment when she knows about HG’s...interest with him. He’d...well, he’d just have to offer to do the whole project, there is no way he’s risking anything with Ernest! It was bad enough that he  _lives_ with Ernest. Talking to him is even more challenging.

 

"So, steam-pumpkin, you're paired with Ernest?" Lenore sits on the steps of the library, back against the railing, sipping iced coffee. HG hums slightly, fingers fidgeting with his vest buttons. She laughs.

 

"Good, I think he has a thing for you, maybe he'll finally admit to it," she says. Wells looks up, shocked. Ernest's into him? That can't be possible, Lenore must be mistaken.

 

"Are...are you sure?" He asks nervously. Lenore opens up the messaging app on her phone and clicks to her conversation with Ernest, passing the phone to HG to read, which only fills his head with more questions: Why hasn't Ernest said anything? Lenore likes him too? How has he, the nerdiest of the nerds, caught the eye of three different classmates?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bananna - Annabel  
> ghostgirl - Lenore  
> ihatemyroomie - Ernest  
> Gayyy - Oscar  
> king-george - George  
> vodka-and-vegan - Fyodor & Louisa  
> PolyWells - H.G.  
> brontësaurus - Charlotte  
> emmyd - Emily  
> shelley - Mary  
> dark.raven.666 - Edgar  
> fuckpreps - Agatha


	7. Group Project pt 2

_[19:00] ghostgirl: @Ernie and HG, are you homosexuals finding time to do your project, or are you too busy staring lovingly at each other?_

_[19:01] Gayyyy: ooh the call out is SCORCHING_

_[19:02] ihatemyroomie: 1. I’m not gay, 2. I’m not gay, 3. We aren’t staring lovingly_

_[19:03] ghostgirl: [hemingwells.jpg]_  

_[19:03] PolyWells: ..._

_[19:04] georgee: ew are they eyeing each other in the library?_

_[19:04] ihatemyroomie: no_  

_[19:04] ghostgirl: yes_

_[19:05] PolyWells: **...**_ __

_[19:06] Gayyyy: were those,,,bold periods?_  

_[19:07] vodka-and-vegans: lol! (Lou)_  

_[19:07] ghostgirl: update on the homos, e put his book up to stop me from taking pics of him, but i can still see h and honestly, he looks like he might explode_  

_[19:08] brontësaurus: please don’t make the only classmate with braincells explode_

_[19:08] ghostgirl: [tomatoboi.jpg]_

_[19:09] shelley: HG is Chaotic Bisexual and Babey at the same time, and I think that’s beautiful_  

_[19:10] PolyWells: !!_

_[19:11] ghostgirl: update pt. 2, h has fallen completely silent and id like to issue a formal apology to everyone at the library_

_[19:12] vodka-and-vegans: ? (Lou)_  

_[19:13] ghostgirl: he was doing that cute thing he does where he switches between humming and talking really fast because his mind is forming thoughts so quickly that he has to constantly make noise to calm himself_

_[19:14] ghostgirl: but he stopped because i made him have a Gay Panic and now others can’t listen to him be excited and cute_

_[19:15] georgee: how have you noticed that? ive literally never noticed that he does that when he’s thinking a lot._

_[19:15] PolyWells: !!!_

_[19:16] ihatemyroomie: i think you killed my roommate, he’s just...sitting really still, staring a hole into the table_

_[19:17] PolyWells: I’m okay._

* * *

_**PolyWells** added **shelley** , **ghostgirl** , and **ihatemyroomie**_

 

 

_[19:17] PolyWells: we need to talk_


	8. that’s gay

_[19:17] PolyWells: we need to talk_

_[19:18] ihatemyroomie: about letting people have their privacy? yeah, i think we do_

_[19:18] ghostgirl: you were at a PUBLIC library!_

_[19:19] shelley: Can you two shut up? I want to hear what HG has to say, unlike you hooligans_

_[19:20] ihatemyroomie: ‘hooligans’_

_[19:20] PolyWells: don’t bully my girlfriend for her strange vocabulary_

_[19:21] ihatemyroomie: sorry_

_[19:21] PolyWells: anyways... Lenore showed me the chat between the two of you, Ernest._

_[19:21] ihatemyroomie: and?_

_[19:22] ihatemyroomie: OH_

_[19:22] ghostgirl: wait a minute, that one has me talking about how hot you are why did I show you that_

_[19:23] shelley: cause you’re a dumbass?_

_[19:23] PolyWells: she’s right, but also..._

_[19:24] PolyWells: If you do in fact like me, I must say that I feel the same way, Ernest_

_[19:25] PolyWells: I’m uncertain about my feelings towards Lenore, but I am certainly willing to try_

_[19:26] ghostgirl: Update on e: HG knocked the book down trying to kiss him and e is FREAKING OUT_

_[19:26] shelley: haha that’s gay_

_[19:27] PolyWells: says the gothic pansexual witch_

_[19:27] shelley: I see your point, but consider that you guys are gayer than that_

_[19:28] ghostgirl: update: they kissed but it was more like a confused smushing so idek anymore_

_[19:29] ihatemyroomie: shut up_

* * *

_[19:28]  fuckpreps: and that’s why Paris is the only good character in Romeo and Juliet, and the story still would’ve been a forbidden romance without Romeo and Juliet in it_

_[19:28] bananna: oh wow! that’s really interesting Agatha!_

_[19:29] brontësaurus: literally no one asked for your essay but cool?_

_[19:29] Gayyyy: I thought it was interesting_

_[19:30] georgee: i don’t get it_

_[19:30] ghostgirl: ATTENTION HOMOSEXUALS AND ANNABEL_

_[19:30] brontësaurus: I’m straight too but ok_

_ghostgirl changed their name to hgsgirl_

_ihatemyroomie changed their name to ilovemyroomie_

_[19:32] shelley: haha that’s gay_

_shelley changed their name to welley_

_[19:32] PolyWells: OH OKAY I THIUGHT WE EERE WAITING TO TEKL THE M_

_[19:33] georgee: ??_

_[19:33] georgee: OH_

_[19:34] Gayyyy: haha thats gay_

_[19:34] ilovemyroomie: literally fuck you_

_[19:35] bananna: congratulations you four! Is HG okay?_

_[19:36] hgsgirl: we just got kicked out of the library because he’s crying, but yeah he’s okay_

_[19:36] fuckpreps: damn aight_

_[19:37] fuckpreps: are you all dating each other or just H?_

_[19:37] welley: Just HG, Ernest is gross_

_[19:38] ilovemyroomie: fair enough_


	9. divorced (mini chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving for a bit!

_[10:17] wells: Our project is due in 13 minutes Ernest, have you sent it in?_

_[10:18] ilovemyroomie: WHAT_

_[10:18] wells: divorced._

_[10:19] Gayyyy: ew alright homos_

_[10:20] georgee: YoUrE gAy_

_[10:21] Gayyyy: shut up George_

_[10:21] welley: I’m tired of all of you._

_[10:22] ilovemyroomie: what about HG?_

_[10:23] wells: Hand in the project!!!_

_[10:24] ilovemyroomie: oh shiT YEAH_

_[10:25] Bananna: oh dear_

_[10:25] dark.raven.666: what do you see in him?_

_[10:26] wells: Even I don’t know._

_[10:27] hgsgirl: you just like alcoholics, admit it_

_[10:28] welley: I-_

_[10:29] wells: No comment?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hgs user has changed to ‘wells’


	10. You and Me

Louisa sits in the grass, weaving a flower crown gently. Fyodor sits beside her, reading a book.

 

”So Oscar knows we’re together,” She says, not looking up from her crown. Fyodor makes a small ‘hmm’, flipping the page. She turns to him.

 

”It’s strange because I thought Oscar liked you, but he seems oddly okay with it, you know?” Louisa places the flower crown delicately on top of Fyodor’s hat (a hat that she must admit is quite inappropriate for the weather).

 

”Really?” He responds. She knows he’s a man of few words, but this is insane! Is he even paying attention to what she’s saying?

 

”Well, don’t you see it? The way he looks at you?”

 

”Oh.” Fyodor shrugs and takes his hat off, plucking the flower crown off it and placing it on his head. “He likes me?”

 

”Yes!!” Louisa laughs. She lays out on the grass and places her head on his lap. Fyodor laughs too. He runs his fingers through her ginger hair.

 

”You know, HG has that polyamorous thing with his partners, if you wanted to-“

 

”I do not feel the same way...” Fyodor shakes his head.

 

”Ah, well then, just you and me!” Louisa leans up and kisses his cheek. He smiles.

 

”You and me,” he replies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in so long and also for having no plot in this chapter oops


	11. Dantes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ernest’s user changes this chapter

_[12:15] fuckpreps: dantes can suck my ass._

_[12:16] gayyyy: dantes is too classy for that_

_[12:16] bananna: ???_

_[12:17] fuckpreps: he was being snotty in the halls today, don’t worry about it anna._

_[12:18] bananna: Well now I’m more worried..._

_[12:18] bananna: Dantes as in Eddie Dantes? My ex?_

_[12:19] gayyyy: our ex_

_[12:20] fuckpreps: yes, him._

_[12:21] bananna: What did he do this time?_

_[12:22] fuckpreps: just his whole ‘im richer and hotter than you’ll ever be and if you say anything back i wont hesitate to rip out your vocal cords” thing_

_[12:22] bananna: Oh my..._

_[12:23] fuckpreps: mhm..._

_[12:23] brontësaurus: why do all the hot guys have to be jerks?_

_[12:24] ilovemyroomie: not all hot guys_

_ilovemyroomie changed their name to hotguy_

_[12:25] fuckpreps: that is not correct!  
_

_[12:25] gayyyy: ewwww_

_[12:25] brontësaurus: funny joke, ernest._

_[12:26] bananna: Don’t be mean, everyone, H.G. isn’t here to back him up._

_[12:27] brontësaurus: oh yes, where is hg?_

_[12:28] hotguy: on a lunch date with lenore_

_[12:28] bananna: That’s nice!! What a romantic!_

_[12:29] hotguy: yeah he’s so cheesy and cutesy it’s disgusting_

_[12:30] fuckpreps: don’t lie, you love it._

_[12:30] hotguy: shut up._


End file.
